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Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Nicht gewuenscht

Nicht gewuenscht

It did not create a stir: It created an outcry.

When the media informed of the letter, no one was surprised, or disappointed. In fact, it was the second letter of its kind.

It all started with a letter by 100 priests, asking the public not to rent rooms to Jews. The Jewish population was outraged, however the public in general, tired of the Jews, Israel and all these headlines and threats, moved on to read an article on the bad weather. Then the second letter came, again by priests, warning good Christian girls not to marry Jewish men. Or even go out with them. Nor to be seen by them.

Now the world woke up: politicians held fierce speeches on discrimination, the media gave full coverage on the subject, interviewing heads of state, more politicians and celebrities, who all condemned this low hearted action. Demonstrations started in capitals around the world and the demand for the Pope to resign became a global item……

Did I bore you?

Apologies! Of course, such a thing would never happen. It cannot happen in this modern world of ours.

Do I still bore you? Then I have to disappoint you:

It DID happen. Only the other way around: in my country, some rabbis decided to publish a letter advising their believers not to rent rooms to Arabs. Of course, some politicians got upset, as this subject can always add a few votes. Even our prime minister spoke up against it, but already having prostituted himself to religious and ultra-right fanatics, he tempered his tone, dried his crocodile tears and checked in a mirror how he looked.

As this was not enough, a group of female rabbis published a letter, warning that good Jewish girls are not allowed to marry Arabs. The Israeli media gave it a small spot on page 4 and went on reporting on the low-cut décolleté of a TV personality.

Our political balance made it possible for splinter parties, representing good-for-nothings, weirdoes, outsiders and voodoo-specialists, to become influential and dictate our national agenda. Although the election results in 2009 did not favor Mr. Netanyahu, he wiggled his way into the Prime Minister's office and brought his gang of nitwits along.

Lately, the general public grew tired of Mr. Netanyahu and started to ask questions. Netanyahu, ever the media expert, now created a wave of bigotry across the country. It keeps his pals busy and off his neck, while the public can roam the streets shouting "Death to Arabs". Give the people food and games, said the Romans. Well, food for the needy is supplied here by the public, since the government lacks any ambition to care about its citizens, while games are supplied by our PM on a daily basis: from uproar in his office, where people resign, come and go at a dazzling speed, to cameras in a helicopter flying our PM trying to look good during a fire that killed 40 brave men and women, only because he lacked to provide the funds for firefighters to be well equipped – leave it Bibi to provide games and action for the people in the street.

In our rich history we read of rabbis, sages and wise men who all, besides studying, had a job. Even if you drive around in our beautiful country you will find signs to places where these people studied and worked.

Not today. Today rabbis 'get money', religious students 'get money', religious families, and religious watchamacallits – everyone 'gets money'. Not because they deserve it, because our PM decided that, in order to stay in power, he will use our tax money instead of brains and wits.

So today we live in a country half strangled by little politicians and rabbis. Whether we like it or not, it is our reality. And then we are told not to rent rooms or marry Arabs.

I live in Haifa. We make a point of living together with Druze, Muslims, Christians and Bahai under the flag of Israel. We are all Israelis. When in 2006 Russian and French rockets landed on our city – 500 of them, sponsored by the EU, thank you very much! – they did not chose to land on Jewish houses only. When buses and restaurants exploded by drugged suicide terrorists, they did not differ between Jews and non-Jews as victims.

In fact, right now we celebrate the Festival of Festivals in our city: we celebrate Ramadan, Christmas, Hanukah and New Year in one go and enjoy each other's company.

We leave the hatred to rabbis and narrow minded politicians.

©Simon Soesan

Monday, December 27, 2010

Israel's got talent!

Israel's got talent

The stakes are high and all of us in Israel are waiting anxiously for the final results: what will it be?

Our 120 members of our parliament, the Knesset, will take a vote and make a historic decision these days: an iPone-4 o a Blackberry? What will it be? And, of course: will it be for free or a gift? Clearly, whatever it will be: we, the taxpayers (a small percentage of this country does pay tax and serves in the army, as we are not religious and are not connected to the maniacal right-wing coalition that was not elected but still is in power), will also pay for this important instrument.

Our 120 members of this very illustrious club, the Knesset, need these phones. They stated it will help them stay in touch with their constituents. And, of course it will create more jobs, as they just cannot do their job with just a PR consultant, a political advisor, a personal assistant, a secretary, a media advisor and a coffeemaker. No, they will need someone to handle these Smartphones as they are too busy flying abroad, have not time to Tweet or update their Facebook page and, to be honest, they simply do not have the brains to understand how these things work at all.

Israel's got talent! Yes Sir, yes Ma'am: our prime minister has now officially obtained the status as the most unreliable politician in the area, our minister of foreign affairs has established himself as the neighborhood Rottweiler and our minister of the interior has single handedly created his own image as a corrupt lowlife. You have to admit: it takes talent to turn all your friends against you in less than 18 months!

Our minister of defense, once a heralded hero, seems so obsessed by himself that he has lost all touch with reality, our minster of education is so busy cleaning up the mess left behind after the horror regime of one of his predecessors, Limor Livnat (her reign of terror crippled our educational system for years to come), that none of his good intentions can be realized for the time being, while our minister of environment is making deals with the big polluters in order to avoid attacking them. Yes, Israel's got talent!

Our so-called government completely forgot its sworn oath and duty to bring captured soldiers home – we have one boy held for over 4 years by Hamas terrorists – and frankly does not give a damn whether this boy lives or dies – although sometimes I have the feeling that our PM would be very happy if he would just simply die.

Yes, Israel's got talent: in his rush to satisfy minorities that pressure him and can disrupt the political balance that keeps him in power, our PM has simply given so much money to these good-for-nothings like religious schools (that refuse to adapt or recognize our national education laws and programs), colonists (which refuse to recognize any political or legal power besides their own: THEY are the law – and our governments lets them do as they please…), rabbis and other voodoo imbeciles, that there is no money left for luxuries like police, emergency services, care for the sick and elder, education and oh, yes: food and shelter for the poor.

Yes, Israel's got talent: our opposition has joint the Monastery of Silence, and we, the quiet majority, act as spoiled and insulted brats that even refuse to vote out of sheer laziness, read the paper on our latest gadget, add "like" to columns like these and check who has done what with whom in the villa of the Big Brother, broadcasted nonstop on your TV, internet or…yes…Smartphone.

Knowing what is wrong, bitching about it, saying how mad you are about it and then return to your Twitter to inform the world you just took a crap may prove you are not full of shit and yes: it takes talent.

© Simon Soesan

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Never mind

Never mind

Just suppose. Suppose you have a political party which represents a minority. Suppose this minority has no social, economical or scientific contribution for your country, does not pay taxes, does not serve in your army, but suddenly politicians need you in order to stay in power, to tip the balance in their favor.

Suppose there is this little politician, a smooth talker with no agenda but with this urge and greed to rule. This is when you hit jackpot! You can ask for anything, do anything you want, because the fool wants to rule at any price!

So you create a school system, as if the country does not have one. And you teach stuff not recognized by the government you belong to, but never mind! You sell religion and who can top God? So you inflate the number of pupils to get more funds and you create jobs to get your voters more income. Where better than in a school of your own? What do they need to know to work there, besides the fact that YOU arranged it?

Suppose you then get greedy too and you ask for more, you take some more, you lie, cheat, steal and all in the name of God? You take a senile rabbi with a great name and make him speak in the name of God. Who dares to argue with God? You make sure the senile rabbi drives around in an expensive car and then you take over a ministry, let's say Interior.

You still need to give jobs and money to many of your followers, so you make a list, because when you study God, you cannot just work anywhere: you can't do manual labor, because that is tiring. You can't do any work connected to a profession, because you have no diploma besides religious school. So, being Minister of the Interior, you take away budgets from all those organizations that are not of interest to you, as they have no jobs to offer for your good-for-nothing followers: hospitals, kindergartens..

Hey! Even the fire brigade! Who needs a fire brigade? Who cares? So you funnel away funds and concentrate on your voters and followers as you act in the name of God, right?

And this greedy politician, who thinks he rules, is convinced you are right, otherwise you can make him stop ruling!

Never mind the non-believers. God doesn't mind, so why should you? And whenever there is a calamity, you let the senile rabbi utter some words of profound wisdom ("a sixteen year old boy died in the fire because he did not observe the Shabbat", "a man walking between two women is like walking between to donkeys"), and off you go.

Never mind that the country is now on the verge of collapse as health services, education, care for the elderly and emergency services are completely ruined, as you systematically over the years stole their budgets. Never mind what these infidels say! What do they know!

And if asked, you look into the camera with a straight face and say: "I did not do it, it was THEM!"

Never mind. There will always be another political nitwit in need of your party.

©Simon Soesan

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Alle Menschen wirden brüder

Alle Menschen wirden brüder

“All men will be brothers”, a Beethoven symphony claims.

I look from my window in astonishment as tens of planes fight the fire which will go into history as The Great Mount Carmel Fire.

Who would have dreamed to see Turkish and Greek planes fighting a fire together? Or Jordanian and Egyptian planes joining forces over Israeli skies for an act of peace? Planes from Russia, Cyprus, Spain, Britain and even the US, all fighting this calamity shoulder to shoulder? I look at the skies and wonder. So maybe it IS true, maybe it IS possible and maybe there is a way for all of us to live in peace soon.

Besides the smoke and smell of burned forestry, our skies are now filled with the noise of diving planes delivering their cargo of water. The fire is still about 3 miles away from our house, but we watch it. Months of drought and a treacherous wind are the perfect playground for a heartless fire to go anywhere it pleases.

Our municipality learned its lesson from the more than 500 rockets that landed on our city in 2006 (with the compliments of the EU), and is perfectly organized. Our northern neighbors are dancing in the streets, praising Allah for their good fortune now that the Zionist cancer is on fire. And still, we remain calm, as we believe in Divine deliverance.

Friends from all over the world keep calling and writing, sending us their prayers and blessings, while outside some sane nations reacted immediately and help us fight this fire hand in hand.

We have made it a point to help any country where disaster strikes. This time we needed help and some countries responded within hours. “My” Holland, always the thinker, needed time to think it over and will send choppers after the weekend, which will be like mustard after the meal.

Still, we are grateful. For what we see now, enemies joining hands and fighting this fire, proves that indeed, all men will be brothers.

Even if it takes a calamity to prove it.

©Simon Soesan