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Sunday, January 15, 2012

The Jewish Nation on alert!

The Jewish Nation On Alert

The alert was given out at the beginning of last week. Nationwide, people began to prepare. We are experienced in alerts and do not take these alerts lightly, certainly not when it is a matter of national alertness. The two main TV channels, Channel 10 and Channel 2, sent out their reporters to keep the public updated of every possible change. Channel 1, our national archaic channel, was looking for black and white footage to replace the cost of sending reporters out to cover the event.

All over Israel, in cities, villages, kibbutzim, moshavim, army posts and hospitals: everyone was getting ready after the alert was given and social media, text-messages and even in synagogues, churches and mosques were flooded with anxious Israelis, all waiting for things to happen: SNOW!

Shivering reporters reported live on TV on the current situation: were there any clouds in sight? What size? What color? Do they look like snow-clouds? Other reporters went to the Golan Heights and interviewed residents about their preparedness for the snow? What kind of coats? What boots do the children wear? How do you heat the house and what kind of soup is that boiling in your kitchen? Can I taste it? In Tel Aviv residents rushed to Kikar Hamedina, where world's top-brands are for sale at prices that can get you a flat in Ofakim. The Tel Aviv residents checked their Jeeps, SUV's and made sure the roof rack showed the brand of ski's they would take along, while informing reports that, of course, abroad is so much better, but they would support the local business for a day or so.

Schools offered special classes on snow. People started to measure the time it would take to get first in line at the entrance to our only snowy mountain, Mount Hermon. And then it happened! First reports indicated 10 centimeters of snow! Thousand rushed to their cars and started their trip to the White Walhalla. Once arrived after hours of driving, they were angry to hear that the gates to the snowy mountain remained closed – the snowfall was not enough to allow entry. "Who's snow do they think it is?", asked an angry driver. "It's all because of this stupid government – they are all corrupt, I tell ya!", shouted another. "Messiah, Messiah!" sung and danced a group of religious youngsters.

But the gates remained closed. Reporters with clattering teeth reported that, as the viewers can see, the snow has risen to 12 centimeters! Still the management of the Hermon site would not budge. And then came the storm…

TV, radio internet and secret army messages reported that the storm brought heavy rain over the Holy Land and snow, yes! snow! On the Golan Heights and that the white powder was reaching, 20, 30 and more centimeters. The traffic jam at the entrance of the site was growing. People had brought food, warm drinks, blankets and stayed put in their cars, demanding the UN intervene at this shameful refusal to open the site, just because of a snowstorm. Religious groups in Bnei Brak and Mea Shearim threatened "pulsa d'nura" a magic ceremony resulting in itches and pimples for those refusing to open the gates to the White Heaven….

The almost-frozen reporters of Channel 10 and 2, blue from the cold, reported that management had given in and millions of Israelis rushed to the mountain. Even with a meter of snow, half of the ski slopes could not be used. But that did not stop the exited crowd. Our enemies watched with amazement how the Chosen People went gaga over white powder.

Extra news broadcasts showed the People of Israel, with no discrimination of race, religion or sex, rampaged the Hermon Mountain, rolled in the snow, put on skis and slammed into anything on their way and had fun. Orthodox Jews forgot about insisting women sit in the back, Palestinians forgot their claim to whatever it was they claimed: there was snow!

Some of the visitors interviewed on TV said they normally go abroad, to real ski slopes, but hey, this is OUR snow! Some tried to take some snow home in their bags, others Twittered from the site and others uploaded pictures and videos to Facebook, because we go a bit crazy when snow falls.

It is now a few days after the big snowfall and a new alert is out for the days to come. More snow, and more traffic jams on the Golan Heights. Will the snow get higher? Will it snow in Jerusalem? The mayor of Jerusalem issued orders for the snow teams to be ready – they have not worked a single day in so many years – and at the Wailing Wall special prayers are being held for the snow to reach Jerusalem. Discussions on radio and TV explained to us, the simple people, why we deserve snow this year. Will we be the Chosen People for snow, too?

You could watch the TV, but I believe the reporters are frozen by now.

We stay on alert!

©Simon Soesan

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