The air-condition-war

Look, I'll always be a Dutchman. And that also means that warm weather can be nice, but as its limits for me. That is why a fully integrated air-conditioning was one of our biggest investments in our house . Cool in the summer, warm in the winter, said the technician. And so it is. But we do have one small problem: the love of my life and our children are born Israelis and do not mind the heat that much. In fact, they love it. Of course, air-condition can be nice now and then, but how much does an Israeli need it, on top of the Carmel mountain? The first year it was still a novelty and everyone had fun turning it on and off. Of course, having the house heated in the winter was a bonus.

I have no idea when it started, but my partner in life arranged a secret conspiracy. And a clever one, at that. It happens that, when I come home, during the warm summer evenings, I close all the windows and turn on the air-conditioning. In just a few minutes the house is cool: what a way to live! I had no notion of the secret glances that would go among my family and would go to take a quick shower to freshen up and not notice the open windows upon my return to the living room. Neither would I notice that the air-condition would be off. I make long days and am tired in the evenings, so only after one hour or so, feeling my own sweat, I would catch on. At first they would all deny the fact that I switched on the air-conditioning. They also tried "it just stopped", but I am not buying that, of course.

Since I am not a complete fool, I decided to hit back. One can understand that this is not an easy task without any help. But I returned again from work, closed all the windows, activated the air-conditioning, walked into the bathroom, and like a real James Bond, opened the door again, only to find the love of my life with her finger on the switch of the air-conditioning. "And what is this then?", I asked very cleverly. "Dust.", she answered innocently and walked away. I decided to announce that I would shower with the bathroom opened, but the enemy had retired for the evening.

Back in the living-room I found my family wearing jogging-suits… ninety degrees outside they dress up warmly! But I acted as if was the most normal thing in the world. By the time we went to sleep I found my sweetheart in bed, covered with two blankets. I said nothing and went to sleep, only to wake up two hours later, sweating as if I had a fever, but I quickly understood that the windows were open and the air-conditioning was off… the enemy had beat me to it! And the enemy was next to me in our bed, pretending to be asleep and trying not to smile.

I have tried everything, even offered our children money! But they are unbreakable….. just ganging up on me with their mother!

This week I will sleep in my car: I will put the air-condition on fifty, maybe even forty and lock the doors! See what they can do then…

© Simon Soesan